Why I'm Not Trying Another Tri-A-Tri....for Now

It's been over four months since my last post. Not having a working computer until recently has been a huge reason for this. I miss writing. Maybe time to get back at it? I promise I won't aways write about triathlons but for now it's an easy topic as I multitask while watching our Canadian Olympic men's hockey team battle the Americans!

I know I said in my last post that I would be back this season to try and get under the hour mark in another try-a-tri. I am just slightly competitive and was looking forward to beating my first time, but I've since decided to let it go for now. My main reason last time was to try something that was really hard for me and would take a lot of dedication. I followed through and checked that off the list. But the truth is, training for three different sports takes a lot of time. One of my goals for 2014 is to be intentional about how I spend my time (another post on that one to come). Exercise is something that is important to me, but I only have so much time to dedicate to it and I want to focus on things I enjoy. I love to swim, I wouldn't mind being a runner someday and I enjoy bike rides. But consistent training in any of those sports doesn't top my list. When I was training last year, I completely neglected weight-training which I want to get back into. I've also recently taken up yoga which my body needs. I don't have the desire to dedicate five or six workouts a week to training properly and giving up the things I actually enjoy. Working out can be enough of a challenge, I might as well focus on the things I love and that help my body.

Goals are good. I make them often. I would definitely like to reach my "under an hour" try-a-tri goal in the future but for now I'm putting it on hold and I feel good about it. I will be proud of my one hour and seven seconds in the triathlon world and cheer on my family and friends who want to stick around. We can say goodbye to this topic for awhile ;)

Race Report: My First Try-A-Tri

Over a month late, but wanted to have a record of how my first Try-a-Tri race went at the end of the summer.

Pre-Race

I first went to the transition area to drop off my bike. It's basically long metal bars that you perch your bike on from the seat and where you place all of your gear to transition from each leg. Registration was pretty easy and a good distraction from the nerves. A volunteer put my race number in permanent marker on my arm and my age on my calf. I asked him if he had neat printing but he just laughed. I wanted it to look good! I went back to set up the rest of my transition area, trying to play through each part in my head and what I'd need, when. Late nights of watching transition videos on Youtube gave me a few good tips. I found J and the boys and eventually my brother-in-laws who were also doing it as well. As the race got closer we all gathered by the lake and the nerves kicked into high gear. Getting into a wet suit is no easy task. A lot of people had them but it probably wasn't necessary. I was counting on it help me with buoyancy and a friend had kindly lent it to me. The race started in waves by age group, three minutes apart. The time was approaching quickly as we waited on the beach.

The Swim

This is the part I trained for the most but was the most nervous about. I LOVE the water but have never been a strong swimmer. Many people told me to wait for most people to go first so I wasn't in a huge pack, but even after doing that, there were plenty of people around me to bump into. Let's just say swimming in your own lane in a beautiful pool with lane lines is nothing like swimming in a lake with a wet suit in crowded water. I knew that going in and my main goal was not to panic and bail. I felt like I was pretty slow and it wasn't pretty. My strokes were nothing like in the pool. I ended up doing some weird one-legged breast stroke for much of the way and even flipped on my back a few times, the true sign of a rookie. The hardest part mentally was when people from the next wave started passing me. Swimming around the last buoy I could see the beach and people starting to reach land so I just told myself I wasn't going to die and kept going. I was actually really happy with my time, all things considered.

Transition 1 (T1)

To get from the beach to the transition area required running up a huge hill which was tough. I ended up walking near the end. I got the wetsuit down to my waist fairly quickly and had learned a trick to get my swim cap and goggles into one of the sleeves. Getting the rest of the wetsuit off wasn't too tough and my main goal was to dry off enough. I had another friend tell me that she was so wet her shoes and socks were soaked which made for a difficult run.I had tri-shorts (also lent from a friend!) and a sports bra under my wetsuit so basically needed to get on a shirt, race belt with my number, socks, shoes and helmet. I put elastic laces in my shoes to make it easier. I felt good about the transition and was ready for the bike. I ran right past J but he didn't see me and I realized he was looking where I had first parked my bike...forgot to tell him I had moved.

The Bike

Once we got out of the conservation area the bike course was a straight out and back with a few hills. I had an upright hybrid bike so I knew I'd be at a disadvantage to the majority of people on road bikes. This was by far the most enjoyable leg. I went as fast as I could and enjoyed watching the people coming the other direction. Having our ages written on our calves proved to be a nice distraction as I thought, "Huh. That lady passing me is in her forties and started three minutes behind me. Way to go lady!" The ride seemed to take awhile but I was able to calm down, catch my breath and realize I was actually doing this!

T2

This one was fairly simple. All I really had to do was park my bike, take off my helmet and put on my running hat. Having no cycling shoes has it's advantages I guess. 

The Run

All of my boys were there to cheer me on as I started my run which was a nice encouragement. I'm not sure if I'd say the swim or run was more challenging but it was definitely difficult. I had done a decent job in my running training and done my brick workouts (running after biking) but I was pretty tired at this point. And to my surprise the course was very hilly. I walked for a lot of it but luckily most people around me were in the same boat. I saw both of my brother-in-laws on their way back and we exchanged high-fives. I was feeling pretty discouraged at how hard it was to run after all my training so that was a nice pick-me-up. I finally made it up the last hill headed down towards the finish line and of course I had to run for that part. My boys, other family and friends were there to cheer me on my last few steps. I was actually pleasantly surprised to see the clock at 1 hour and 3 minutes as I crossed the finish line, and later even happier to realize three minutes were shaved off to account for the second wave start.

Overall I found my first try-a-tri super challenging. There are so many things for us rookies to learn. I remember thinking on the run, "Well I guess this is the last time I'll be doing this" but my finally time was 1 hour 7.9 seconds. I was the first person in the race to hit the hour mark and now the competitor in me wants to get under an hour. I'm hoping that won't be hard with one race under my belt. After seeing my photos, a friend from high school gave me her old tri bike which was extremely generous of her. I've gotten it tuned up and bought some cycling shoes to start spinning, but have yet to try it out. It's a whole different world than my comfortable upright hybrid, and definitely a faster one! It feels good to accomplish a goal that took up the better part of a year to work towards. Hard work aside, racing really is a lot of fun! I think I'll be back for more next season.

Why I'm Trying a Try-A-Tri

In five days I'll be trying my first, "Try-a-Tri" which is basically a mini triathlon. I'm feeling pretty nervous but also pretty excited to attempt this challenge. I was first introduced to the idea a few years ago by a friend who had tried one out and I thought, "I wonder if I could do that?" For any sort of endurance athlete the distances are embarrassingly short, but for this endurance-challenged girl it would sure be a challenge. So here's why I've decided to do it...

1. A Fitness Goal

Staying in shape has always been important to me, and since our new gym opened a year and a half ago I've been back on the workout train fairly consistently. But aside from weight gain prevention I didn't really have any goals. I was in the same cardio and weight routine and was getting bored. Triathlons involve swimming, biking and running so this was a good chance to mix it up. For running I decided to use a Couch to 5K app on my phone. I have always been a terrible runner in any distance farther than about 100 metres. Kind of limiting. In June I did a 5K race where I ran 5 minutes and walked one. Now I can run about 4K without stopping. For most runners that's a warm-up but for me that's a big deal. For swimming I decided to enroll in the Masters program at the gym (see my previous post on that) which I did for 5 weeks. It was humbling as I was by far the slowest and worst swimmer but everyone was so kind and encouraging and I do think it helped build my stamina. It's definitely something I will continue if I get addicted to this! And biking... well biking I haven't trained much for to be honest. I have no trouble biking 10K but I'm just slow at it, largely because I don't have a road bike. But I'm not making that huge investment for a small race like this, so slow I will be! For most of my training I've had to wake up early and although I'm still a night owl at heart and still love my sleep ins, it's ironic that the summer months are when I actually became the morning person I've always wanted!  I haven't lost any weight, in fact I've gained a few pounds (muscle I hope?) but no doubt, at least endurance-wise I'm in the best shape I've been in.

2. Follow Through

I've been thinking about doing this race for a few years and back in January I had decided that this was going to be the year. I found a race in June I wanted to do and started training. But then my cousin decided to get married that day so the race was off the table and I stopped training. It was my out. I admittedly have a problem with follow-through in certain areas of life. I can't tell you how many volunteer information meetings I've been to that I never led to volunteering. I'm also great at making grandiose plans for myself that never become more than just plans. I knew there were other races later in the summer, and while I talked about it a lot, I never signed up...until a month or so ago. I had been training half-heartedly "just in case" until then but getting the credit card out was the kick in the pants I needed.

3. Practicing Doing Hard Things

This may sound like a weird one. Life is hard enough right? Heck, I have twin toddlers! But relatively speaking I've had a pretty cushy life. I've been realizing more and more how selfish I can be and that I am addicted to comfort. There are some potentially opportunities in the future that I could take and the one main reason that would hold me back is that they are HARD. But hard doesn't mean bad and we all know it's often those challenging things that help us grow into better people. And some hard things just need to get done. Doing a Try-A-Tri is just on a much smaller scale but the principle is the same. All three of the sports are difficult for me. Getting up early is not my natural instinct. The competitor in me doesn't like to do things that I obviously won't excel at. But as minor as they are in the grand scheme of life, they've become a discipline for me, moving me in the right direction away from the easy and the comfortable.

J and I were watching the Ironman World Championships from last year on TV last night. For those of you who don't know what an Ironman is, it's a crazy long triathlon. The run itself is a full marathon and generally takes people all day to complete. But as we watched people cross the finish line I got emotional as the announcer told each of them, "You are an Ironman!", a goal they had likely put countless hours of blood, sweat and tears towards. We joked that hopefully someone will announce to me, "Congratulations, you have tried a tri" as I cross the finish line on Saturday.

My goals are simple: Cross the finish line, don't be last and be proud of myself despite how it goes. It will be hard. Despite my training I have never done all three sports together in the distances I will do them for the race. I'm hoping my good friend adrenaline and some cheers from family and friends help me out! People tell me this is a very addicting sport. I'm curious if I'll want to do more after this or if I'll pat myself on the back and be thankful it's over forever. I guess the answer is only a few days away!

Conquering Fears

This morning my alarm went off at 5:45am (I generally vow not to get up before the 6am mark so this was big!) and rolled out of bed to face my fears. I have always loved water and swimming but have never been the greatest at it. Somehow I managed to become a lifeguard and swimming instructor for the sole purpose of obtaining my camp dream job of waterfront director. Some of the levels to get there required swimming many laps in a certain amount of time and I always struggled. Endurance has never been my strong point, in any sport. For Bronze Cross I wasn't able to finish the laps in the required time but may have lied to my instructor that I did it at the pool another time. Okay, I did lied and thus my whole lifeguarding career was probably a fraud. Not a highlight for me. But I assure you, I knew how to save a life.

Our gym has beautiful lap pools both indoors and out, so I've been working a lot on my swimming the last year or so. I took four lessons a few months ago to work on my strokes and have done hundreds of laps but knew I needed a boost to kick up my endurance. So this morning I joined the Masters swimming program at the gym. Don't let the name fool you. The requirement was that you can swim two laps well, which I can but there are some great swimmers that train and go to swim meets. For some reason I have been terrified to join this group. It might have to do with the fact that my ONE day on the high school swim team, I kept getting moved further and further down the pool for being slow, until I was finally at the end, and never came back.

When I arrived in my 6:30am sleepiness, I introduced myself to the coach, told her I was a beginner and off I went, in the slowest lane of course. All the lengths today were to be done in the butterfly stroke, the hardest one of all. She modified it for me and let me do what I wanted, thank goodness. The warm-up itself was at least 20 laps, generally more than I swim at once. While everyone was done their sets I was still going, kicking and pulling my way through but determined to finish. Overall, it was tiring but a very positive experience and I actually think I might get better. I signed up for four weeks so will be back at it in two days. It feels good to do something that I was fearful of, and although it's just swimming, hopeful it will transfer to the more important things in life.

I'm Back!

Logging back into my blog today it was hard to believe I've only written four posts since the year began. I plan on changing that soon. Summer has officially begun a slower pace of life is upon us, including more time to write. I have lots on my mind as I always seem to. So, stay tuned what's been going on in my head the past several months.

And if you are reading this via Google Reader, remember that it will be no more as of July 1st. I switched to Feedly which was really simple and easy to do and seems to have some good apps as well. I'll be back with more next week. Happy long weekend!

It's Hard

Sometimes I feel bad or guilty writing posts like my previous one. I don't like to sound like I'm complaining, and after all it's just naps right? My problems are nothing compared to the rest of the world.

But the truth is, parenting is hard and something as simple as naps has led me to tears more than once, as have many other issues. It is hard not knowing what to do, hard to feel like you've lost control and your two year-olds are have somehow become in charge, hard when you make mistakes and feel like you're not loving your children the best way you can, hard when you let your ugly sides come out and then wonder how that happened.

Then I read this excerpt from the book, Carry On Warrior. If you're a parent, or know someone who is, take a minute to read it.

What a refreshing read. I am well aware of how fast time is going. I no longer wish for weekends but they always seem to be here and my children are growing up right before my eyes. I still feel like I'm 18 but it won't be too long before I'm double that. Crazy. And I have had many people tell me recently to enjoy this wonderful stage. But the truth is, the last few months especially have been pretty challenging as a mom. My days have been exhausting physically and emotionally and my favourite time of the day is definitely bed time. It is no surprise considering the age of my boys, but it's still my reality. There area  lot of tough moments.

I am continuing to learn how to live a life of gratitude. To be intentional about taking time to thank God for the beauty around me, including in my children. To try to slow down time by being fully present in the moment. I have seen a lot of beautiful moments lately, some that might have otherwise passed me by.

But that doesn't mean that I can't admit it's hard. It doesn't mean that venting my frustrations means I'm being ungrateful (which I think I've subconsciously been believing). Parenting seems to be about moments. One moment they are singing a beautiful song and being kind to their brother, the next they are flopping on the floor because you gave them the wrong cracker. Some times the hard moments outweigh the good ones in a day, making it a tough one. That's okay. I need to give myself permission to feel like today was a bad day and that I'm just finding it all incredibly difficult sometimes. I don't always need solutions. Sometimes there aren't even any. Just someone to say, "I understand. It's hard. You're doing a good job even though you don't feel like it. Hang in there."

Twins in Toddler Beds

I am still alive, just hadn't had the energy or desire to blog much lately. I wouldn't say it's been the easiest month or two but I'm alive and have much to be grateful for. This post won't relate to many of you (feel free to skip it...I won't be offended :), but I wanted to give it the title I did because of one of our current struggles. I know I've done a lot of googling and at the very least I discovered from other twin moms I'm not alone, so perhaps this post will do the same for someone else. I have lots of deeper more important things going on in my brain right now but no mental energy to form them into a somewhat articulate post.

We've been struggling a lot with naps lately. The boys get so worked up and feed off each other, to the point that they were going to town on their room. We had a childproof handle on their door so they couldn't get out. We decided to give them some freedom with a new approach...basically when they got out of bed, we'd talk to them twice, then every time after that we'd say nothing and just put them back to bed, being calm and gentle. Talking with them wasn't working anyway so I thought I'd try the firm and consistent approach.

Well let's just say it hasn't worked...at all! When they started escaping their room they found it hilarious and of course while I was putting one back, the other would make a run for it. I'd be chasing them downstairs, in the corners of closets and in our bed. They thought it was a hilarious game, enjoying every second of it. It has been exhausting. Imagine lifting two thirty pound weights, about three times a minute for well over an hour. Eventually one would calm down but the other would still be going, then the first would get bored just lying there (although clearly needing to sleep) and would be back at it.

A lot of people have said that maybe they just don't need to nap any more. Trust me, they do. They are clearly tired and grumpy after. I have little patience because I've had a massive workout that has done little good and I haven't gotten the break from my kids in the day that I find so important. Even when napping is done, I'm a big believer in quiet time, where they can do something in their room. And I don't believe in kids running the show, so if mommy says it's time to stay in your room, then it's time....keeping in mind that they are two, but now is the time to start establishing that.

I really do believe the technique can actually work for a lot of kids. But I think it's a whole new ball game with twins. Even if I'm not giving them positive attention, they have each other to egg each other on and syphon energy off of. If I didn't have one escaping while dealing with the other, I'm pretty sure I would have seen success right now.

It has been hard not having that time to myself in the middle of the day, not just for the mental break but to get the everyday things of life done. And to be totally honest, I don't like not knowing what to do. So now we have to figure out a new approach. We're thinking of either trying to put them down a little later so they are more tired, putting the childproof handle back on, or just calling it "quiet time" where they can have some books and stuffed animals and will hopefully fall asleep.

If anyone has ANY advice, please send it my way. I know in a few years none of this will matter and I'm sure another phase is around the corner, but this one has been tough. This mommy REALLY wants her nap time back. I think anyone with two toddler boys would say the same! :)

Sick & Thankful

I feel like our family has been pretty lucky this season. Besides a round of strep throat for me in November and a few minor colds, we've been pretty healthy. On Friday I was feeling pretty achey. I didn't think much of it. I had done a spinning class and some swimming a few days prior, plus I had been on my feet teaching basketball for a few days in a row. I went to work and then headed to the gym, figuring I'd just push through it. Then when I got home it instantly hit me...chills with no hope of getting warm, headache and feeling awful. You know that feeling when you stand up and it feels like your brain is hitting the side of your head? The less movement the better. The chills turned to sweat and I knew it was official. What resulted was 14 hours in bed, some cancelled plans and a very low-key day. By some miracle it seems to be a very short one, and I'm feeling better today.

I know so many people who have had it really rough with the flu and I don't envy them. As I've mentioned before I'm a bit of a baby when it comes to being sick. But this time was different. I've recently started a DVD book study with some friends based on this gem, which has taught me a ton about gratitude. As I lay in my bed on Friday night feeling terrible, I chose to be thankful instead of feeling sorry for myself. Thankful for a warm bed, heat in my home, Advil, clean water to keep me hydrated and a special blanket made by my Grandma. That simple shift in focus off of myself and my circumstances to what I could give thanks for, made all the difference. I didn't feel great, but at least I wasn't grumpy. It is progress for me. Definitely baby steps, but I'm growing!

Suck It Up, Buttercup

The mantra around our house for 2013? "Suck it up, buttercup!" And yes, I did make the sign above for a visual reminder. While I'd love to have a long list of new years' resolutions, I don't think it's an ideal way to make changes. Probably one of the few I ever kept was not eating chips for a year, sometime back in my late teens. No idea why I picked that but I did it and remember celebrating a new year up at camp with some Pringles! While I do believe in goals, I work better in shorter term ones, like our changes in September last year.

But while J and I decide to make changes throughout the year, this is something we need to embrace. Just suck it up and do it. One thing I have learned is that I'm addicted to comfort and feel entitled to things that I shouldn't. I often don't do things simply because I don't feel like it and make up excuses why I need rest and have balance. While those things can be good, I don't want my feelings to dictate my actions. I need to learn to get uncomfortable and put in the hard work to grow as a person whether that means getting up earlier, spending time with someone when I'd rather be with my family, or scrubbing the sink.

Finishing this book was another reminder of how privileged we are and how easy things come to us. We want to eat? We go buy food. We want a drink? We turn on the tap. We want clean clothes? Throw them in the wash. These things are not normal for a large percentage of the world. Many people work long and hard hours for the basic necessities and even then it's often not enough. Sometimes my sense of entitlement can be subtle. This is a common scenario on a typical day...it's the boys nap time, they have tired me out and I want a break. There are things to do around the house, I sit and turn on the TV as I eat my lunch and an hour later I'm still there, indulging myself instead of serving my family. I complain about all the stuff in our house and wanting to purge but I don't get serious and put in the work to make it happen. I read this quote here and thought it was great....

If it matters, you make the time.

If it doesn’t, you make excuses.

This whole idea of "sucking it up" has already made a difference in J's life. He's decided he wants to start running. He's made a commitment to himself to do it a certain number of times a week. Last night I made some last-minute plans with a few friends for dinner. I didn't get home until after 8:30pm. Who wants to run at night, in the dark and cold? Not me and not him. In the past he probably wouldn't have done it, but with our new mantra in mind, he sucked it up and did it. I was proud of him!

My boys are now in bed. Normally I would waste time on the computer, watch TV or do something else to indulge my laziness. While I'm not saying that will never happen, tonight I'm going to put on my iPod (I know, woe is me!) and put in some work on one of my January goals which I'll share about soon. Time to suck it up, buttercup. I'm sure there is a nicer, more flowery way to say it but it works. And I have my husband and my fancy little clip art sign to remind me when I forget. Hey, I'm a primary school teacher. It's what I do! :)

2012 - The Year In Review

Life really does seem to speed up as you get older... I can't believe 2012 is already drawing to a close. I love these times of the year when it's natural to reflect on the past and make goals for the future. And one of the reasons I blog is to have a little record of where my head is at at certain points. I just re-read my new years reflections from last year. Here are some of the things I was hoping for for 2012 and how I think they went...

Practically I want to be diligent about meal planning and spending less on food. I want to put my clothes away at the end of the day (I know, I'm 30 something and still struggle with this. Shame on me!). I want to continue my quest for a simpler more generous life. Relationally, I want to invest in some new friendships and continue to strengthen the old. I want to pick up the phone more. I want to love my husband better and be a more engaged mom. Spiritually I simply want to learn how to become friends with God.

- I definitely improved on meal planning and most weeks had our dinners written out. I could do better at spending less on food and not wasting as much.

- Picking up my clothes? (still laugh that this was a goal, but hey, sometimes it's the little things). Still not perfect but now that we host a small group at our house and our bedroom is one of the meeting places, it's clean at least once a week. And I usually don't let the mess go on as long. I'll have to let Joel weigh in on that one.

-Living a simpler and more generous life is huge on my radar these days and I've made good steps towards that, including being part of a small community that meets once a month to bounce ideas off each other and grow. Again, still a long way to go. I think I have at least eight blog posts in my head related to this topic.

- We've definitely developed some new friendships that are growing. I can give us a clear check mark for that. We have people in our home way more than we used to and enjoy practicing hospitality. There is a greater depth we'd like to go in many of these new relationships and that takes energy I don't often feel I have, but I also know it takes time.

- Pick up the phone more? No, completely failed on that. Do people like to talk on the phone any more? I actually enjoy a good phone conversation but always hesitate because I don't want to bug people. Email and texting is safer. I admit, I like safe!

- Loving my husband better and being more engaged as a mom...steps forward for sure but I'll be working on those two for the rest of my life. I've become more aware of how selfish I can be and my addiction to comfort. I'm learning to make more decisions that aren't about me.

- And friends with God? Very very slowly but in a better place than I was a year ago. And the good thing is I feel no guilt about that. That's progress for sure.

I have much to be thankful for and today I'm especially grateful that I have grown from the person I was a year ago. Life is a journey and I'm enjoying the ride. Stay tuned for my goals for 2013. Happy New Year!!!

Christmas Time

Christmas is only a few days away. Read my thoughts about Christmas last year from part of my living simply series. (I have many more thoughts to add to that series, just working on how to articulate them).

This is the first Christmas that the boys really have some idea of what is going on. That don't really know that Christmas is an actual day, they just know it's Christmas time. That means we decorate a tree, have a manger scene (where the donkey gives everyone a ride!) and light our advent candles each night. Their favourite Christmas songs are Away in a Manger, Jingle Bells and Up on the Rooftop (thank you daycare!).

I am feeling quite thankful that we have embraced the idea of a simple Christmas. We've decided that in our little nuclear family we are only going to do stockings for each other. This is pretty easy at the moment as the boys are still young. I am not anti-gifts and they will still have presents to open at extended family gatherings but they really don't need more from us. I want Christmas to be more  focused on giving to others in need, spending time with family and sharing experiences together. And of course, celebrating the gift of Jesus. Lighting the advent calendar this year has more been a lesson in counting than anything spiritual. Such is life with toddlers.

It continues to amaze me how much Christmas seems to be about stuff. By far the biggest question I'm asked is if I'm done my Christmas shopping. People also ask if my kids are excited about Santa. Santa wasn't a big part of my childhood. I'm not going to go out of my way to teach them he isn't real but I'm not telling them he's bringing them gifts. He's more a figure we see on TV and sing about sometimes. (As a side, I will always remember a favourite moment last year, sitting in the waiting room of a doctor's office. Some kids were acting up and their dad was threatening to call Santa to cancel their presents. He was on his way to dialling before they smartened up. I would bet any amount of money that no matter what they did he was never going to follow through.)

I love that Christmas is not stressful for us. It's about people, not stuff, and celebrating God incarnate. I think going against the consumerism of the season will get harder as the boys get older. They will begin to notice what happens around them. But we're determined to be intentional about learning to be a family that lives counter-culturally and gives generously especially at this time of year. And I'm thankful to be part of a community that values this as well. There are million ways to do Christmas and I love learning from others. I have a long way to go. What are some ways you've changed the way you do Christmas over the years?

27,000 Children

As most people seemed to be, I was shocked and saddened to hear about the tragedy in Newton, Connecticut this past Friday. That night I was feeling overwhelmed for those who had to experience the horrors and for the families of those who died. It is a devastating loss. Almost every post I read on Facebook had to do with the events that took place and the understandable emotions that we were all feeling. But something didn't sit right with me.

In the past few months I have been working my way through this book. I just finished reading a chapter called 'One Hundred Crashing Jetliners.' The premise was that whenever a plane crashes, it makes the news. And yet, nearly 27,000 children die A DAY of preventable causes related to poverty and we almost never hear about it. This was fresh in my mind as I heard about what happened on Friday.

I get it. It is easier to feel things when it happens close to home. We can relate. It affects us. It's all over the media. Children dying of hunger, malaria, lack of clean water... that generally happens to people far away and we can't relate. I have met some of these people and I still forget. Days go by and it doesn't cross my mind. It's a truth I'm not proud of.

So what does that mean? As our pastor put it this morning, it means repentance. Repentance for not thinking about the poor and doing enough to help them, while I focus on acquiring more stuff and being comfortable. It means taking a long and hard look at my life and being intentional about making choices that help those in need, instead of focusing on me. I love the now famous prayer, prayed by Bob Pierce, the founder of World Vision... "Let my heart be broken by the things that break the heart of God." That means the loss of innocent children in the United States, AND the loss of innocent children around the globe. None of them should suffer.

While people debate gun laws and media coverage, I want to look at myself and ask, what can I do to help those who are suffering and prevent senseless tragedy that happens day after day. And I want to put in the hard work of not forgetting so that it will cause me to act and make a difference. The posts about the killings in Connecticut will soon disappear and it will eventually leave the minds of those of us not directly affected. It's just what happens. But tomorrow 27,000 children will die that shouldn't, and the next day 27,000 more will die. The good news it the number has been decreasing in recent years but it's obviously not good enough. I pray that I would not forget and that I would do my part each day until that statistic no longer exists. God help us!

My Africa Story - Part 2

* I've scanned a few photos from my trip without people. If you make it to the end you'll understand why.*

I've had this one written for awhile but keep forgetting to post it. Again, it's turned into a little novella. If you haven't read part one about my first adventures in Zambia, you can find it here . 

The Indian Ocean

Part two began when I was doing my year of teacher’s college. I can’t remember how exactly it started but I was contacted by someone from a missions organization to ask if I’d consider leading a trip to Uganda that summer to work with orphans. Africa and orphans. I was in! A while after committing to the trip we were told that trip was no longer going to happen and we were going to Madagascar instead with a focus on teaching English. I was disappointed as neither the location nor the description held the same interest for me, but I sucked it up and decided to stick it out. There were two teams going; a French speaking team from Quebec (Madgascar’s official languages are French and Malagasy) and my team comprised of five of us from the rest of Canada. All the girls were great and I was looking forward to getting to know them more overseas.

But when it came time to go, I can’t say I was all that excited. I was nervous about leading, not too passionate about what we were doing and had recently started dating a guy I really liked (yes, he’s the one I ended up marrying!) so spending two months apart wasn’t at the top of my list for summer activities. We boarded the plane and were off. We spent the first week living at a small motel on the ocean doing missions training, then we got paired up with someone from the French team and were off on our first adventure. We travelled hours and hours by small boat up a canal and lived for several days in very remote villages. We were also with students from a Bible college who were training to do evangelism. Our little team was awesome and we had a lot of fun together, meeting with people in their homes, putting on little workshops for youth and just living life together. I remember eating a lot of rice and fish, pretending pineapples were chocolate and belting out Celine Dion tunes....one of our Malagasy friends’ favourites. We slept on the floor of a raised hut and were awoken early each morning by the roosters living under us. It was one of those once-in-a-lifetime experiences.

Our trip up the canal

When we got back the French team left to go back to the capital city and we stayed in a small town where we spent the remaining six weeks. We stayed on site of a small children’s home which was awesome. Our mornings were spent teaching English to local people in little make-shift classrooms, and the afternoons we hung out with the kids. We taught them Dutch Blitz, played soccer, danced and did our best to communicate including lots of hugs.

I really enjoyed teaching English but after a few weeks I got really sick. What started as a sore throat turned into a really bad infection. The entire back of my throat had turned white and swallowing was really painful. I had a doctor come see me and after some failed antibiotics, I went daily for injections in the backside. One of the girls from the home always accompanied me and found it very amusing. I never found at what is was as the best translation I could get from the doctor was “sore throat.” Eventually it got better but put me out of commission for awhile. I cancelled my classes and my team did their thing without their leader...they were more than fine!

I struggled a lot on the trip, not just physically. Reading back through my journal I really questioned why I was there and often felt like a very inadequate leader. I also had no access to email and only heard from people at home via the occasional and very welcome letter. And remember that guy I was dating? Well I heard nothing from him almost the whole time, which of course gets the female brain going to all sorts of places. Turns out he was questioning whether we should be together and was processing it all (yes, sometimes the female brain can be pretty accurate). Eventually he came around and I received a bunch of mail via courier near the end.

The village where we spent a week

I had a lot of great moments. I loved teaching English, adored the children and our team was great. I credit that experience and teaching in Zambia to pursuing my specialist in teaching ESL. And although each day was tough, God and I were pretty tight. I relied heavily on him to get me through each day and he did.

One of the toughest parts, however was when we got home. Several months later we found out that the missionary leading us for the first few weeks, was having an affair with a Malagasy woman who he later married. But a million times worse was that we discovered there had been abuse of many kinds going on in the children’s home. The “parents” were quickly removed. It became clear why the children had clung to us so much and why they seemed so devastated when we were leaving. The show that was put on for us was about to end and reality would return. I shed many tears for those kids. In a way the whole trip felt like a bit of a scam but I was glad we could provide some relief for the children for a few short weeks and that the abuse was discovered.

Madagascar is a beautiful country with a unique mix of African and Asian cultures. We also got to spend a few days in Mauritius which was a tropical paradise. I doubt I will ever get there again but it was a unique experience that helped me grow, and for that I am grateful.

Sick and Tired

I'm not very good at being sick. I feel a bit like a whiny baby and the whole world should stop for me. I feel entitled to constant rest until I'm better, but alas, life must go on. For the last week and half I haven't been feeling great. Some days have been worse than others but a week later while my tonsils were still inflamed I decided it was time to go to the doctor. I feel silly going to the doctor for things like a sore throat and feeling run down, but I'm also usually better in a few days.

I woke up feeling pretty awful and knew it would be a rough day with the boys. So Joel called our daycare lady who is awesome and super flexible and we shelled out the money so I could rest and get to the doctor. I'm glad I did. Turns out I have strep throat, which is pretty hard to fight without antibiotics. 24 hours after starting and I'm feeling a lot better already. And the people around me have been amazing. Joel, who is already and amazing husband and dad, stepped up even more while also trying to avoid getting sick. The boys also knew mommy wasn't feeling well and were troopers about cooperating and going to daycare last minute. And just as I was sitting on the couch yesterday feeling like I had no energy to make dinner, our daycare lady called and said she was making some for us. Amazing!

I try not to be a complainer but I have to admit I find it hard when I'm sick. I have a friend my age going through chemo, another friend with three kids whose husband is dying of cancer. Not to mention my many friends who struggle just to get by. I had a sore throat and no energy...no reason to complain. But I still fall into it, so I try to fight it with gratitude... for a warm bed and hot soup, for help, for the luxury of medicine and rest. Being sick is no fun, but getting better is pretty great!

Date Night

Last weekend we had our first ever date night with the boys. We have often talked about how great and important one on one time is with them. They literally do everything together. Occasionally they are on a different floor of the house but usually find each other within minutes. I can count on one hand the times I remember them being apart which were mostly trips to the doctor, and usually the one staying home wasn't too happy about it.

Enjoying the music

But even though they are twins, our boys are individuals with different needs and interests. And we think spending time alone with them is a good idea. So when I heard the African Children's Choir was coming to town I knew I wanted to take Mr. C. He is my little music lover. He can carry a tune, clap the rhythm or beat and loves to sing. Mr. M hates loud noises and I knew a concert wouldn't be the best idea for him. So the day before I told C that he was going on a special date with mommy. I knew he didn't really know what a date was, but I did my best to explain (while driving to the concert he pointed to a gas station and said "that's not a date"). He knew that Daddy and M wouldn't be there and that he was going to hear some music. M got to stay with Daddy at Grandpa's house to have some extra time with extended family which was also special for him. C loved the date! I don't know many two year-olds that would sit on someone's lap without a peep for well over an hour, eyes staring on the stage and clapping along. But he did. And I could tell he felt special. I came home feeling so much joy and knew we needed to make this a more regular thing.

I have no idea what our next dates will involve but I'm looking forward to some special time with my boys!

Easy Granola

I have many childhood memories of my mom making big batches of granola. Now that I'm a mom, I am fairly conscious of what kind of food goes in my sons' bodies. And they love their cereal. The problem is, that even the healthy kind of cereal is processed and contains refined sugar. That hasn't stopped me from giving it to them, but I knew I wanted to try my mom's recipe. It's really easy, is packed with healthy ingredients and can be modified to include what you like and take out what you don't. I'm not sure of the original source but thought I'd share.

5 cups old-fashioned oats
1 cup sliced almonds
1 cup sesame seeds
1 cup sunflower seeds
1 cup shredded coconut 
1 cup soy powder (I didn't use this)
1 cup powdered milk
1 cup wheat germ
1 cup honey
1 cup oil (I used vegetable, I'm sure there is a healthier alternative?)

Mix well then bake at 300 F for approximately 30 minutes. Stir every 5 minutes or so!

Super easy and a hit with the kids. Because I skipped the soy powder I added half a cup of wheat bran and half a cup of ground flaxseed. You could add raisins, dried fruit, pumpkin seeds or pretty much anything you want. As always, let me know if you make it!

Toddler Bed Disaster

I was pretty nervous about making the transition to toddler beds with twin boys but I knew it had to happen eventually. I know many kids who stay in cribs longer, but because they were in a bed at daycare and outgrowing their pack n' plays when we went away, I figured we should be consistent. I bought them the Gro Clock which had rave reviews to show them when to stay in bed (when they see the star) and when to get up (when they see the sun) and everyone was excited. The first few nights went beautifully. 

But then they discovered their freedom and the monkey business began and pretty much hasn't stopped. I can't blame them. They are little boys and they have a lot to discover. But I'm tired of them taking hours to fall asleep. I'm tired of one biting the other. I'm tired of them falling out of laundry baskets while giving each other rides (pretty cute idea though!). I'm tired of things being destroyed and clothes everywhere.

We went with the little-intervention approach. If we heard crying we went in to deal with it, but figured if we generally stayed out of it they would get bored. Well two weeks later it hasn't gotten any better, probably worse. And although we've gotten them to help us clean up clothes and done a lot of talking about it, I think we've unintentionally taught them that what they're doing is okay. And to us, it isn't. 

I don't really want to turn back but I'm not opposed to going back to cribs. If they can't handle the freedom, then they can't. I have had friends say they've taken everything out of the room to make it boring. But I have no where else to put their giant dresser and I want them to learn while they have their regular room in tact. We are changing our strategy and will be tightening up the reigns in the next few days. I am really hoping it works. I know this is all just a phase and it's great they are having fun, but they also need sleep. We'll see how it goes!

A Lazy Day

It may have taken me until about 2pm to get out of my PJs today. I woke up with a sore throat and feeling crummy. I was close to sending the boys to their babysitter and having a day to myself, but true to the norm for me, it's always the worst when I first get up. And some Tylenol helped. I told the boys mommy wasn't feeling well and they needed to try their best to cooperate today. They've been awesome. Nothing about today is anything to write about in a parenting magazine. We watched Youtube videos and I tried to sneak in little two minute naps between switching to new ones. The boys played in the play room while I lay on the couch upstairs and watched TV (I know, one of the many benefits to twins!). They watched their first ever episode of Sesame Street. We had macaroni from a box for. We have yet so step foot outdoors. But I don't feel bad. Days like this are rare and I don't always have to be on my A game.

Yesterday when our plans for the gym were changed due to our "poopy incident' (I didn't want to call over the PA system to clean up a second mess) we also stuck close to home. We took the wagon to the library across the street, we stopped by the slides in our little park and the boys rode their tricycles.  I find it's generally easier to take my boys out to do something in the morning, but I forgot how fun and meaningful it can be to be around home together. Whether it's some creative, well-planned activity (let's be honest, those are rare!) or a lazy day in our PJs, I get to share life with my boys and I'm grateful.

Dealing With Stress

This has not been the best week of our lives. It started off with some disappointments and emotional decisions. Then a boy throwing up in the night (which I didn't know about at the time, thanks to my awesome husband and some ear plugs). Then dealing with similar bodily fluids down my shirt and hair and an understandably upset boy while trying to get out of the door for an appointment. While driving to that appointment I hear on the news that my husband's company is laying off hundreds and hundreds of  people. Thankfully he still has a job. Today it was dealing with an enormous amount other bodily fluids running onto the floor and up my son's back, trying to give them both a bath (because if one gets a bath the other wants one too right?) and cleaning up the mess. Also, losing it on my son who was frustrated for some unknown reason and lashed out at me physically. I was not proud of how I dealt with it.

It's all par for the course. Being a mom involves having your patience tried multiple times a day and cleaning up things you'd never imagine. Being human involves feeling sad, frustrated and disappointed. I don't expect to be spared from any of that but it's still tough in the moment. J and I have both been exhausted this week with nothing extra in the tank to give. So how do I deal with stress? I think it's safe to say after this week that I'm an emotional eater. On Monday it was a chocolate croissant and some KFC for lunch. The feeling left in my stomach for the rest of the day probably wasn't worth the five minutes of fried chicken indulgence. The next day it was mini chocolate bars, chips and cheesies, followed by ice cream that night. Yesterday was more chips and cheesies. Last night I just felt gross. While I'm all for the occasional treat, I had gone way past moderation. I'm pretty that this week I found those six pounds that I lost last month!

One thing I do find helps with stress is exercise and recently I've been loving to swim. Yesterday in my daze I drove right past the gym exit without realizing it, but managed to eventually get myself in the pool and knock off several dozen laps. I loved zoning out, feeling weightless and getting the blood pumping. While there have been lots of wonderful little moments this week, it has been tough and I'm hoping next week is a bit more normal. If not, I'm pretty sure I'll have to lock up the junk and get out the fruit. How do you deal with stress?

Sweet Potato Quinoa Chili

I love finding good recipes to add to my collection. I found this on Pinterest the other day. Most recipes take me awhile to get around to but I knew I wanted to try this one right away. I'm a big fan of sweet potatoes, black beans and quinoa and to me this recipe is the perfect healthy meal.

You can find the original recipe here. The only changes I made were I used chicken stock instead of vegetable stock (making it no longer vegan) since I didn't have any around. I also cut some fresh corn off the cob and added it in. It probably took closer to 30 minutes to cook the sweet potatoes and quinoa.

We are usually a bit lazy with our cooking on the weekend but while J played with the boys in the play room I had an uninterrupted hour to work on this. Plus he chopped the onion and garlic which is not my favourite job. My verdict? Delicious! I can't wait to have it again for dinner tomorrow night!