I think help is key for the survival of any new mom, but especially a mom of twins. The first days and weeks are so overwhelming and exhausting; getting to know these two little people, learning how to feed them, trying to get a few hours of sleep and recovering from major abdominal surgery. Joel was my number one source for help (a different post about him to come) and when he went back to work after two weeks my mom took over for two more. It was nice to be handed babies while other people changed them, put them to bed and took care of their basic needs that didn’t require me.
In having twins, I had an intense fear of being by myself with them that lasted for several months. Thankfully I had so many people rally around me and come hang out with us for a few hours or even a whole day. We had a continual supply of meals which is now at the top of my list as the best gift for any new parent. When I had no one lined up, my desperate pleas on Facebook usually resulted in several guests each week. I don’t think I spent my first full day alone with the boys until sometime in mid-August, well over 2 months after they were born. And I have to say I was pretty proud of myself when I finally did.
But two friends really went above and beyond for me that I want to acknowledge; Arja and Alice. Arja, who is pregnant and now days away from giving birth to her third child, often drove an hour each way to spend the day with us. She would even arrive before 9am ready to help when the boys were up for the day. She didn’t do this once, but several days and I am extremely grateful for her willingness to drive so far and be with us. Arja, you were a huge help to me... thank you! Alice is my other hero. She and her husband Wayne have become some of our closest friends over the past few years. We love their girls like daughters and we love the way they parent them. Alice was off on maternity leave and once a week her eldest daughter would be in daycare. So what did she do with that day every week? She spent it with me. Faithfully every Thursday all summer Alice and Katherine came to our house to help out. I often had the chance to run out for an appointment or get groceries or just sit alone on a bench with a slice of pizza until it was feeding time. During the fall before Alice went back to work I got to spend a day every week at her place. It was nice to get out of the house but be in a place that still feels like home. Alice, knowing I could count on your Thursday visits and weekly play dates took away a lot of the stress of our early months. You’re amazing!
I think our society is a little funny that we often parent in isolation. I sometimes (emphasis on sometimes) envy the cultures where extended families live together, moms move in when babies are born and aunts and uncles are like second parents. Although I like my little family of four, I do think we were probably meant to live a little more communally than we do. But I’m grateful for our community of family and friends who have rallied around us as we’ve become parents, whether with time, a meal or words of encouragement. Thank you!
