Tuesday, December 7, 2010

Reflections of Motherhood Part 3: Help

I think help is key for the survival of any new mom, but especially a mom of twins. The first days and weeks are so overwhelming and exhausting; getting to know these two little people, learning how to feed them, trying to get a few hours of sleep and recovering from major abdominal surgery. Joel was my number one source for help (a different post about him to come) and when he went back to work after two weeks my mom took over for two more. It was nice to be handed babies while other people changed them, put them to bed and took care of their basic needs that didn’t require me.

In having twins, I had an intense fear of being by myself with them that lasted for several months. Thankfully I had so many people rally around me and come hang out with us for a few hours or even a whole day. We had a continual supply of meals which is now at the top of my list as the best gift for any new parent. When I had no one lined up, my desperate pleas on Facebook usually resulted in several guests each week. I don’t think I spent my first full day alone with the boys until sometime in mid-August, well over 2 months after they were born. And I have to say I was pretty proud of myself when I finally did.

But two friends really went above and beyond for me that I want to acknowledge; Arja and Alice. Arja, who is pregnant and now days away from giving birth to her third child, often drove an hour each way to spend the day with us. She would even arrive before 9am ready to help when the boys were up for the day. She didn’t do this once, but several days and I am extremely grateful for her willingness to drive so far and be with us. Arja, you were a huge help to me... thank you! Alice is my other hero. She and her husband Wayne have become some of our closest friends over the past few years. We love their girls like daughters and we love the way they parent them. Alice was off on maternity leave and once a week her eldest daughter would be in daycare. So what did she do with that day every week? She spent it with me. Faithfully every Thursday all summer Alice and Katherine came to our house to help out. I often had the chance to run out for an appointment or get groceries or just sit alone on a bench with a slice of pizza until it was feeding time. During the fall before Alice went back to work I got to spend a day every week at her place. It was nice to get out of the house but be in a place that still feels like home. Alice, knowing I could count on your Thursday visits and weekly play dates took away a lot of the stress of our early months. You’re amazing!

I think our society is a little funny that we often parent in isolation. I sometimes (emphasis on sometimes) envy the cultures where extended families live together, moms move in when babies are born and aunts and uncles are like second parents. Although I like my little family of four, I do think we were probably meant to live a little more communally than we do. But I’m grateful for our community of family and friends who have rallied around us as we’ve become parents, whether with time, a meal or words of encouragement. Thank you!

Tuesday, November 23, 2010

Reflections of Motherhood Part 2: Sleep

I’m hesitant to even write about this topic as I know some parents will want to kill us. Sleep has actually been a pretty positive thing in our house. In the early days that’s pretty much all Caleb and Micah did. We woke them every 3 hours to feed. Then a few weeks in we decided to stretch out the early morning hours and they did a 5 hour stretch from feed to feed. That meant about 3.5 hours of sleep in a row for us as feeds took an hour and a half, but pretty good all things considered.

One thing that stood out for us in the sleep department was the idea of “starting as you mean to go” from the Baby Whisperer. If you want them to be able to do something, start from the beginning and for us that meant teaching them how to put themselves to sleep. Especially having two, rocking or nursing them to sleep wasn’t realistic for us. Obviously they were too young for “crying it out” but basically from the days in the hospital, we put them in their bassinettes awake for them to fall asleep on their own. It wasn’t a struggle, they just did it. I realize that’s not always the case, but I’m thankful for it. At bed time and nap times we basically swaddle them (arms out now... they roll over!), sing the nap song, give them a kiss, put them in their cribs and say goodnight. That’s it. Sometimes they cry for maybe a minute but mostly they go peacefully to sleep. I love it!

The boys go to bed after a 7pm feed, we wake them for a 10pm dream feed and they sleep until 7am on most days. Getting sleep has made all the difference in being able to make it through the day with them. Trying to produce enough milk for two babies and just taking care of them, rest is so important. I’m not a nap person so “nap when they nap” didn’t work for me, despite trying. They have also slept in their cribs from the first night they got home from the hospital. Co-sleeping is not for us and who’s kidding who, our bed isn’t big enough for 4. I didn’t even want them in our room as I’m a light sleeper and knew I’d be awake at any little sound... ANY sleep I could get was crucial. Our house is small and they are easy to hear if they need us. I don’t think I’ve ever used our baby monitor.

Naps have been our only struggle and even then I can’t complain. They are often short and because I feed the boys together, the one who sleeps will often get short changed or they wake each other up. Such is life with two, and it’s definitely getting better.

I know there are a million and one ways to approach sleep with babies and every family has to do what’s best for them. We knew that having two is a whole different ball game and that maximizing sleep for everyone in the family was a priority. We often joke that with our next child we are really in for it as our boys have been pretty easy. I wouldn’t be surprised but in the mean time I will cherish my sleep-filled nights!

Monday, November 1, 2010

Reflections of Motherhood Part 1: Breastfeeding

Now that I’m over 4 months into being a mom, I thought it was time to record some of my thoughts about the early days, mostly so that when I look back and it all seems like a blur I’ll have some record to look back on. Today’s topic: breast feeding!

I was determined to breast feed my babies from the beginning. Although I have nothing against formula and people who choose/have to use it I wanted my babies to get as much breast milk as possible. I knew it would be a challenge with twins and has definitely proved to be my biggest. Breast feeding is hard. The babies had to learn and I had to learn. It didn’t just happen magically. In the early days and weeks it didn’t always work. It was a huge production to try to get one of them latched on and feeding both would take well over an hour. In order to produce enough milk for two I also had to pump after each nursing session. I HATED pumping. There is nothing nice about it. We also struggled with weight gain in the beginning so had to supplement with formula after each feed. I was afraid of them getting too used to a bottle so we used a lactation tube, where basically they get the formula at the breast. No easy feat and I was happy when we didn’t need to do that anymore.

The best thing I did was go see a lactation consultant. We had one visit us every day in the hospital and we were able to continue seeing her at the free Peel Breast feeding clinic (so thankful for such a great resource in our community!!). An LC is such an important job. My good friend Kristen just passed her exam to become one and I’m so excited for her. She’s also been a huge encouragement in this process.

One of the biggest parts to my success was setting a goal for myself before the babies were born. My first goal was to make it 6 weeks as that’s the post-partum stage. Without that goal I’m pretty sure my babies would be on formula by now. SO many times I wanted to give up but I stuck it out and it got easier just like they said it would. We continue to have our challenges (Micah now gets very distracted and we’re having some weight issues again) but lots of successes too. For a few months I’ve been tandem feeding them and am proud that I can do it on my own. My next goal is 6 months and after that possibly a year if they’ll go that long. I love that it’s free and portable but thing I’ll be ready to wean them once they can have whole milk at a year.

The best part of breastfeeding is the bonding and knowing my babies are getting the best nutrition they can. I also love feeding them together and love when they hold hands or look up at me and smile. The hardest part is that they need me all the time and life is planned around feeding. Tandem feeding twins isn’t very public friendly either so I don’t get out as much as a mom of one baby can, but I know it’s a short phase of life that I’m committed to.

Wednesday, October 6, 2010

Siza's Going to School


With the help of our friend Danisa, Siza is now in school (see previous posts about her). He found her a place at Wanezi High School and drove her there himself this past Sunday. She will be boarding at the school and able to focus on her studies. I'm so excited for her!

The picture is of Siza playing goalie at the orphan camp we worked at in December 2006. I think this was the first moment she stood out to me. You have to love a girl who plays soccer in a party dress!

Stay tuned for some reflections on motherhood...

Monday, August 9, 2010

Dear Momma of Two

Dear Momma of Two,

You are probably exhausted and not sure what to think of this crazy new transition into motherhood. Here are a few things I want to remind you of...
- You are doing a great job. Remember you will make mistakes, forget things, wish you had done things differently, but don’t beat yourself up over it. Your babies are learning too and you’re not going to damage them. You are all learning together.
- This time will pass quickly. The feelings of helplessness, extreme exhaustion will not last forever. They will only be this tiny for a short time. Enjoy how cute and little they are... it will go by fast and you’ll wish for these days back. Try to stop and take in these moments. They will be gone before you know it.
- Sleep when you can. Don’t worry about having everything perfect around the house and organized. You don’t have to have it all together. Others are here to help you and a well rested momma is best for everyone.
- Make sure you are eating and drinking enough. Good nutrition will help give you the energy you need to get through the day. You can’t feed your babies if you have nothing to give them.
- Take time for yourself. Go for a short walk, sit outside, catch your breath, take a shower or bath. Dry your hair, put on a little make up, whatever feels good. It is okay to have a little you-time. Don’t feel guilty! It is better for everyone.
- Ask for help and accept any that is offered to you. Don’t feel bad about others doing your dishes, your laundry, feeding babies, changing diapers or bringing you a meal. People are happy to help and will make a huge difference in your sanity.
- Try to have a sense of humour and laugh every day. It is good for your body and your soul. Being a mom is the most important job in the world, but don’t take it all too seriously.
- Appreciate your husband and all of his hard work buy don’t feel guilty about him doing it. You’re working hard too. Remember to thank him and let him know what it means to you. Ask him what his transition to being a dad is like and figure out what he needs. Take time, even a few minutes each day, to be alone together. There is no other relationship that is more important in your life.
- Remember it’s okay to cry. You will have bad moments and days and it’s better to let those emotions out and talk it through with those who will listen and you trust. You don’t have to pretend you have it all together. Don’t forget that not every day will be like this, but it’s okay to feel sad, angry or frustrated sometimes. Get help if it doesn’t go away.
- Tell people what you need. If you can’t handle more visitors, shut the door and be honest. People will meet your babies eventually and they will understand.
- Take lots of pictures and write down little things you want to remember. These days will feel like a blur and you’ll be glad to have those things to look back on.
- Remember to thank God daily for the two beautiful gifts he’s given you. You didn’t have an easy road getting here and not everyone gets this far. Being a mom is a privilege, one that you get to experience. You were made to do this.
- This is an adventure. There will be highs and lows and lots of in-betweens. Have fun and enjoy the ride!!

Monday, June 7, 2010

Update on Siza



We asked our good friend Danisa in Zimbabwe (also the bishop of the BICC church there) to help us figure out how to help Siza. He contacted her with the phone number she gave in the letter and met with her today. He feels the best thing for her is to attend a boarding school to finish off high school as where she is living isn't the best environment. He is going to look into finding her a place and we're committed to helping make that happen. Educating girls is something I strongly believe in (see the video) and I hope she is able to return to school soon.

Thursday, June 3, 2010

Siza

This is Siza, a very special girl I met at an orphan camp we helped run in Zimbabwe in 2006. I visited her several times at her rural school and before we moved home I left her a few gifts and my address, never expecting to hear from her. Yesterday, I got a letter from her asking for help as she's had to drop out of school because she can't pay the fees. She wants to be a pilot or a doctor and said she wants to come live with me. My heart breaks for her and I'm doing what I can to figure out how to help. She has so much potential. A good reminder that there are so many people who have worries so much greater than mine. Probably just paying for postage on the letter was a very big deal for her. Puts things in perspective!

Wednesday, June 2, 2010

Grateful

As I look back over the past 37 weeks I am extremely grateful. Especially since I'm high-risk with twins, I've had a relatively easy and uneventful pregnancy....

- My morning sickness didn't start until 9 weeks and was easily tamed by a great drug called Diclectin
- I've had no bleeding or strange cramping
- I've been able to avoid bed rest, something I was definitely expecting by the end
- All of my ultrasounds have shown no complications
- The babies have been head down for weeks and weeks (please don't turn on me now!!)
- It looks like I'll be able to at least attempt a vaginal birth which has been my hope, but certainly not my expectation, since the beginning
- My blood pressure and sugar levels have been fine and my low iron has been taken care of with some pills and lots of steak! (who can complain about that!!)
- I was able to work until the end of 31 weeks
- I continue to have enough energy to walk around, do some things around the house and get out once a day

I know complications are common in pregnancy and I've had many people in my life who have experienced them. Thankfully most have turned out fine and they have eventually carried or are carrying healthy babies. I certainly had the potential for my share of challenges and am extremely thankful for how smoothly my pregnancy has gone. I have loved being pregnant. It is kind of a strange thing growing two little people inside of me, but I have loved feeling their kicks and movements as they've grown. Will I miss it? I don't know. I feel ready to have my body back, but have loved the opportunity to house my two little ones as they've gotten ready for the world.

Tuesday, June 1, 2010

Overwhelmed

It is a crazy feeling to be so close to giving birth. We'll officially set the date at my last OB appointment on Thursday, but I will likely be induced a week today if I don't go into labour on my own before then. But really, it could happen at any moment. In an instant, my life is going to change dramatically. We will go from a family of two to a family of four. We will have two little people we are responsible for feeding, changing, clothing, teaching and loving. And they will be our children for the rest of our lives.

Everyone says to just try and survive the first few months with twins. They are the hardest and then apparently it gets a bit easier. Sometimes I forget that it doesn't end after that. We'll just be in a new phase and the adventures will continue....crawling, walking, talking, potty training, school, vacations, discipline etc. etc. Wow! How do you prepare for something like this? I really don't know if you can.

I'm so excited to meet my babies, but I'd be lying if I said I wasn't a little bit scared at the huge responsibility I'm about to take on as a parent. I don't know how to parent one child, let alone two! Thankfully Joel and I both grew up with great examples and have the support of our amazing family and friends. We'll make mistakes, we'll learn and we'll settle into life as four. I'm sure it won't be long before it all feels quite normal. But sitting on this side of it and knowing the countdown is on, it's all a little bit overwhelming!

Friday, May 28, 2010

The Perfect Family?

I often get asked my people if I know the sex of my babies and they are usually surprised that I don't. The comment I have gotten most often that has also been most surprising is that hopefully I'll have a boy and a girl and then I'll be done. Wouldn't it just be perfect to have a boy and a girl, and then I wouldn't have to have any more kids? I don't really get it. First it assumes that a boy and girl is the perfect scenario. While it would be great, it would also be really fun to have two boys or two girls. The second assumption is that two is the perfect number of kids. It seems to be for a lot of people, but I have never planned on only having two kids. Joel comes from a family of four kids and I come from a family of three. I've loved having more than one sibling. Of course, each family has to make their own decisions and sometimes there are surprises. Who knows, maybe we will stop after two but I'm not ready to decide that yet. I guess I've just been surprised how often I've heard that I'll be done if I have a boy and a girl.

Tuesday, May 25, 2010

My Grandma

Me and my Grandma at my family shower in April

I have always been close to my Grandma. Being the first granddaughter after 6 grandsons we seem to have a special bond. She is 93 and my last living grandparent. Thankfully she has enjoyed good health, lived on her own and even golfed regularly. I don't see her a lot as she lives in Ottawa but I've always enjoyed our phone conversations. She is pretty excited about the arrival of our babies.
A few weeks ago my Grandma came to Mississauga for a visit. My mom and I went out for lunch with her and we brought her to our place to show her the nursery. Two days later while staying at my parents, she had a stroke. She was bleeding into her brain and for a day or so we didn't know if she would make it. Thankfully she pulled through and is now doing quite well and recovering in the hospital.
I couldn't imagine my Grandma not meeting my babies. I am incredibly thankful that it looks like that will happen. She is actually staying at the hospital where we will give birth and will likely still be there when the time comes. I know she would have made the trip from Ottawa to come meet them, but now she'll just have to go down one floor to see us which she is excited about. Obviously I wish for her she could be home, but it also nice having her closeby. When Joel and I go for weekly tests at the hospital we now go see her before and after and give her the updates. She keeps asking what hospital I'll be at and is always happily surprised when I tell her it's the same one she's at. I can't wait for her to meet them!

Friday, May 14, 2010

We've waited this long

As I get closer to the birth of my babies I am more and more anxious to find out if we are having boys, girls or both. I'm glad we've waited. I've always wanted to have that moment at birth and with 3 possible combinations I think it'll be even more exciting. We have some hand-me-down preemie clothes from friends who recently had boy/girl twins. It's fun going through it and wondering what we'll be able to use... not that you can't dress a boy in pink! Joel and I wanted to buy them their outfits to come home from the hospital with, so we bought 2 girl and 2 boy outfits just in case. They have enough white, green and yellow clothes I thought it'd be nice to at least have something more specific for their big day.

I'm guessing life with two boys would be pretty different than two girls and one of each would be an interesting mix. Whatever they are, I know it was decided a long time ago and I'll be thrilled the moment I find out. I'm excited!

Wednesday, May 5, 2010

Melt Downs

I had one today. Who knew that my attempt to clean car seats would lead to me sitting in tears. As I near the end of my pregnancy, life is getting a little harder. Overall I still feel great, but I'm not small. I'm at least the size I would be if I was full-term with one baby, probably bigger. Carrying two little ones around with me all day that are constantly growing means what I can do physically is constantly changing. What I could do last week is not what I can do this week.

But I don't like it. I don't like that when I spill something on the floor I can barely lean over to wipe it up. I don't like that I can no longer vacuum (one of my favourite chores!). I don't like that doing a load of laundry takes most of my energy and will soon be impossible. I don't like that I have a dirty shoe mat in my front hall closet that I can't scrub or a floor that needs mopping. And I don't like that not being able to do what seem like such simple things, means that someone else has to.

Joel is working so hard. He works hard all day, often comes home and makes me dinner, cleans up and then does more work around the house without complaining. He is so good about it, but there's only so much one person can do. He knows my main job is to grow my babies and more than anyone he is always encouraging me to rest. But he needs to rest too. He's about to become a dad of two and we need our time together.

As I'm learning how to live with a constantly changing body, there are two things I'm also learning that I'm not good at... letting go and asking for help. Our house isn't going to be in perfect condition when our babies arrive, and it certainly won't be after. If some things don't get done, we will survive and probably no one is judging me on whether or not my baseboards are clean. But I still want them clean! Asking for help is also hard for me, but something I know I'm going to have to learn if I want to survive the first few months with two babies. I don't feel like other people should have to come and do my cleaning or laundry or whatever else needs to be done and even if someone offers, I struggle with guilt. I don't know why.

I'm curious to look back in a few months and see if I've gotten better at these things, probably out of necessity. But in the mean time, I'll do what I can, rest as much as possible and take a deep breath!

Tuesday, May 4, 2010

One of the best moments of my life

In getting back to blogging, I don’t really know where to start. Whether or not anyone reads this, it’s a chance for me to get out some thoughts I can look back on. Since becoming a mom is a huge part of my life, I might as well begin where it began, or at least when I found out about it...

Monday October 12th is a day I will never forget, not because it was Thanksgiving, but because it was the day I saw a little (+) that changed my life forever. Getting pregnant didn’t happen right away for us. I had some disappointments along the way, so this month I wasn’t expecting any different. In fact, my body felt exactly like it did every other month. The night before I was in tears, knowing the letdown I was about to face. I decided to test just so I could get the disappointment over with and move on. Joel had to go into work for a few hours on Thanksgiving morning so I was alone when I tested. I took the test, walked away for the prescribed 5 minutes and came back to the shock of my life....a plus sign!!! I immediately started to shake, ball and express my disbelief to myself over and over. What followed was what felt like the longest few hours of my life... waiting for Joel to get home to share the news. He knew I was testing so I didn’t want to give it away over the phone or when he first arrived through the door. I’m pretty sure my acting job should receive an academy award nomination!

In some ways, that moment seems so long ago and yet I can’t believe I’m only a few weeks away from meeting my babies. Pregnancy is such a bizarre and wonderful thing, growing two little lives inside me. I am grateful for the chance to experience it.

Monday, April 26, 2010

I'm Back!!!

Wow, can't believe it's been 9 months since I've written anything on this blog. Since I have a window of free time ahead I thought I'd start writing again, mostly to capture my thoughts as I enter a crazy new phase of life... becoming a mom of twins!

I'm sure I've lost most of the followers I did have, which is okay since I'm not writing for anyone in particular... just to be able to look back and see what was going on in my head during this time. But it doesn't hurt to ask, is there anyone still out there???