I think help is key for the survival of any new mom, but especially a mom of twins. The first days and weeks are so overwhelming and exhausting; getting to know these two little people, learning how to feed them, trying to get a few hours of sleep and recovering from major abdominal surgery. Joel was my number one source for help (a different post about him to come) and when he went back to work after two weeks my mom took over for two more. It was nice to be handed babies while other people changed them, put them to bed and took care of their basic needs that didn’t require me.
In having twins, I had an intense fear of being by myself with them that lasted for several months. Thankfully I had so many people rally around me and come hang out with us for a few hours or even a whole day. We had a continual supply of meals which is now at the top of my list as the best gift for any new parent. When I had no one lined up, my desperate pleas on Facebook usually resulted in several guests each week. I don’t think I spent my first full day alone with the boys until sometime in mid-August, well over 2 months after they were born. And I have to say I was pretty proud of myself when I finally did.
But two friends really went above and beyond for me that I want to acknowledge; Arja and Alice. Arja, who is pregnant and now days away from giving birth to her third child, often drove an hour each way to spend the day with us. She would even arrive before 9am ready to help when the boys were up for the day. She didn’t do this once, but several days and I am extremely grateful for her willingness to drive so far and be with us. Arja, you were a huge help to me... thank you! Alice is my other hero. She and her husband Wayne have become some of our closest friends over the past few years. We love their girls like daughters and we love the way they parent them. Alice was off on maternity leave and once a week her eldest daughter would be in daycare. So what did she do with that day every week? She spent it with me. Faithfully every Thursday all summer Alice and Katherine came to our house to help out. I often had the chance to run out for an appointment or get groceries or just sit alone on a bench with a slice of pizza until it was feeding time. During the fall before Alice went back to work I got to spend a day every week at her place. It was nice to get out of the house but be in a place that still feels like home. Alice, knowing I could count on your Thursday visits and weekly play dates took away a lot of the stress of our early months. You’re amazing!
I think our society is a little funny that we often parent in isolation. I sometimes (emphasis on sometimes) envy the cultures where extended families live together, moms move in when babies are born and aunts and uncles are like second parents. Although I like my little family of four, I do think we were probably meant to live a little more communally than we do. But I’m grateful for our community of family and friends who have rallied around us as we’ve become parents, whether with time, a meal or words of encouragement. Thank you!
Tuesday, December 7, 2010
Tuesday, November 23, 2010
Reflections of Motherhood Part 2: Sleep
I’m hesitant to even write about this topic as I know some parents will want to kill us. Sleep has actually been a pretty positive thing in our house. In the early days that’s pretty much all Caleb and Micah did. We woke them every 3 hours to feed. Then a few weeks in we decided to stretch out the early morning hours and they did a 5 hour stretch from feed to feed. That meant about 3.5 hours of sleep in a row for us as feeds took an hour and a half, but pretty good all things considered.
One thing that stood out for us in the sleep department was the idea of “starting as you mean to go” from the Baby Whisperer. If you want them to be able to do something, start from the beginning and for us that meant teaching them how to put themselves to sleep. Especially having two, rocking or nursing them to sleep wasn’t realistic for us. Obviously they were too young for “crying it out” but basically from the days in the hospital, we put them in their bassinettes awake for them to fall asleep on their own. It wasn’t a struggle, they just did it. I realize that’s not always the case, but I’m thankful for it. At bed time and nap times we basically swaddle them (arms out now... they roll over!), sing the nap song, give them a kiss, put them in their cribs and say goodnight. That’s it. Sometimes they cry for maybe a minute but mostly they go peacefully to sleep. I love it!
The boys go to bed after a 7pm feed, we wake them for a 10pm dream feed and they sleep until 7am on most days. Getting sleep has made all the difference in being able to make it through the day with them. Trying to produce enough milk for two babies and just taking care of them, rest is so important. I’m not a nap person so “nap when they nap” didn’t work for me, despite trying. They have also slept in their cribs from the first night they got home from the hospital. Co-sleeping is not for us and who’s kidding who, our bed isn’t big enough for 4. I didn’t even want them in our room as I’m a light sleeper and knew I’d be awake at any little sound... ANY sleep I could get was crucial. Our house is small and they are easy to hear if they need us. I don’t think I’ve ever used our baby monitor.
Naps have been our only struggle and even then I can’t complain. They are often short and because I feed the boys together, the one who sleeps will often get short changed or they wake each other up. Such is life with two, and it’s definitely getting better.
I know there are a million and one ways to approach sleep with babies and every family has to do what’s best for them. We knew that having two is a whole different ball game and that maximizing sleep for everyone in the family was a priority. We often joke that with our next child we are really in for it as our boys have been pretty easy. I wouldn’t be surprised but in the mean time I will cherish my sleep-filled nights!
One thing that stood out for us in the sleep department was the idea of “starting as you mean to go” from the Baby Whisperer. If you want them to be able to do something, start from the beginning and for us that meant teaching them how to put themselves to sleep. Especially having two, rocking or nursing them to sleep wasn’t realistic for us. Obviously they were too young for “crying it out” but basically from the days in the hospital, we put them in their bassinettes awake for them to fall asleep on their own. It wasn’t a struggle, they just did it. I realize that’s not always the case, but I’m thankful for it. At bed time and nap times we basically swaddle them (arms out now... they roll over!), sing the nap song, give them a kiss, put them in their cribs and say goodnight. That’s it. Sometimes they cry for maybe a minute but mostly they go peacefully to sleep. I love it!
The boys go to bed after a 7pm feed, we wake them for a 10pm dream feed and they sleep until 7am on most days. Getting sleep has made all the difference in being able to make it through the day with them. Trying to produce enough milk for two babies and just taking care of them, rest is so important. I’m not a nap person so “nap when they nap” didn’t work for me, despite trying. They have also slept in their cribs from the first night they got home from the hospital. Co-sleeping is not for us and who’s kidding who, our bed isn’t big enough for 4. I didn’t even want them in our room as I’m a light sleeper and knew I’d be awake at any little sound... ANY sleep I could get was crucial. Our house is small and they are easy to hear if they need us. I don’t think I’ve ever used our baby monitor.
Naps have been our only struggle and even then I can’t complain. They are often short and because I feed the boys together, the one who sleeps will often get short changed or they wake each other up. Such is life with two, and it’s definitely getting better.
I know there are a million and one ways to approach sleep with babies and every family has to do what’s best for them. We knew that having two is a whole different ball game and that maximizing sleep for everyone in the family was a priority. We often joke that with our next child we are really in for it as our boys have been pretty easy. I wouldn’t be surprised but in the mean time I will cherish my sleep-filled nights!
Monday, November 1, 2010
Reflections of Motherhood Part 1: Breastfeeding
Now that I’m over 4 months into being a mom, I thought it was time to record some of my thoughts about the early days, mostly so that when I look back and it all seems like a blur I’ll have some record to look back on. Today’s topic: breast feeding!
I was determined to breast feed my babies from the beginning. Although I have nothing against formula and people who choose/have to use it I wanted my babies to get as much breast milk as possible. I knew it would be a challenge with twins and has definitely proved to be my biggest. Breast feeding is hard. The babies had to learn and I had to learn. It didn’t just happen magically. In the early days and weeks it didn’t always work. It was a huge production to try to get one of them latched on and feeding both would take well over an hour. In order to produce enough milk for two I also had to pump after each nursing session. I HATED pumping. There is nothing nice about it. We also struggled with weight gain in the beginning so had to supplement with formula after each feed. I was afraid of them getting too used to a bottle so we used a lactation tube, where basically they get the formula at the breast. No easy feat and I was happy when we didn’t need to do that anymore.
The best thing I did was go see a lactation consultant. We had one visit us every day in the hospital and we were able to continue seeing her at the free Peel Breast feeding clinic (so thankful for such a great resource in our community!!). An LC is such an important job. My good friend Kristen just passed her exam to become one and I’m so excited for her. She’s also been a huge encouragement in this process.
One of the biggest parts to my success was setting a goal for myself before the babies were born. My first goal was to make it 6 weeks as that’s the post-partum stage. Without that goal I’m pretty sure my babies would be on formula by now. SO many times I wanted to give up but I stuck it out and it got easier just like they said it would. We continue to have our challenges (Micah now gets very distracted and we’re having some weight issues again) but lots of successes too. For a few months I’ve been tandem feeding them and am proud that I can do it on my own. My next goal is 6 months and after that possibly a year if they’ll go that long. I love that it’s free and portable but thing I’ll be ready to wean them once they can have whole milk at a year.
The best part of breastfeeding is the bonding and knowing my babies are getting the best nutrition they can. I also love feeding them together and love when they hold hands or look up at me and smile. The hardest part is that they need me all the time and life is planned around feeding. Tandem feeding twins isn’t very public friendly either so I don’t get out as much as a mom of one baby can, but I know it’s a short phase of life that I’m committed to.
I was determined to breast feed my babies from the beginning. Although I have nothing against formula and people who choose/have to use it I wanted my babies to get as much breast milk as possible. I knew it would be a challenge with twins and has definitely proved to be my biggest. Breast feeding is hard. The babies had to learn and I had to learn. It didn’t just happen magically. In the early days and weeks it didn’t always work. It was a huge production to try to get one of them latched on and feeding both would take well over an hour. In order to produce enough milk for two I also had to pump after each nursing session. I HATED pumping. There is nothing nice about it. We also struggled with weight gain in the beginning so had to supplement with formula after each feed. I was afraid of them getting too used to a bottle so we used a lactation tube, where basically they get the formula at the breast. No easy feat and I was happy when we didn’t need to do that anymore.
The best thing I did was go see a lactation consultant. We had one visit us every day in the hospital and we were able to continue seeing her at the free Peel Breast feeding clinic (so thankful for such a great resource in our community!!). An LC is such an important job. My good friend Kristen just passed her exam to become one and I’m so excited for her. She’s also been a huge encouragement in this process.
One of the biggest parts to my success was setting a goal for myself before the babies were born. My first goal was to make it 6 weeks as that’s the post-partum stage. Without that goal I’m pretty sure my babies would be on formula by now. SO many times I wanted to give up but I stuck it out and it got easier just like they said it would. We continue to have our challenges (Micah now gets very distracted and we’re having some weight issues again) but lots of successes too. For a few months I’ve been tandem feeding them and am proud that I can do it on my own. My next goal is 6 months and after that possibly a year if they’ll go that long. I love that it’s free and portable but thing I’ll be ready to wean them once they can have whole milk at a year.
The best part of breastfeeding is the bonding and knowing my babies are getting the best nutrition they can. I also love feeding them together and love when they hold hands or look up at me and smile. The hardest part is that they need me all the time and life is planned around feeding. Tandem feeding twins isn’t very public friendly either so I don’t get out as much as a mom of one baby can, but I know it’s a short phase of life that I’m committed to.
Wednesday, October 6, 2010
Siza's Going to School
With the help of our friend Danisa, Siza is now in school (see previous posts about her). He found her a place at Wanezi High School and drove her there himself this past Sunday. She will be boarding at the school and able to focus on her studies. I'm so excited for her!
The picture is of Siza playing goalie at the orphan camp we worked at in December 2006. I think this was the first moment she stood out to me. You have to love a girl who plays soccer in a party dress!
Stay tuned for some reflections on motherhood...
Monday, August 9, 2010
Dear Momma of Two
Dear Momma of Two,
You are probably exhausted and not sure what to think of this crazy new transition into motherhood. Here are a few things I want to remind you of...
- You are doing a great job. Remember you will make mistakes, forget things, wish you had done things differently, but don’t beat yourself up over it. Your babies are learning too and you’re not going to damage them. You are all learning together.
- This time will pass quickly. The feelings of helplessness, extreme exhaustion will not last forever. They will only be this tiny for a short time. Enjoy how cute and little they are... it will go by fast and you’ll wish for these days back. Try to stop and take in these moments. They will be gone before you know it.
- Sleep when you can. Don’t worry about having everything perfect around the house and organized. You don’t have to have it all together. Others are here to help you and a well rested momma is best for everyone.
- Make sure you are eating and drinking enough. Good nutrition will help give you the energy you need to get through the day. You can’t feed your babies if you have nothing to give them.
- Take time for yourself. Go for a short walk, sit outside, catch your breath, take a shower or bath. Dry your hair, put on a little make up, whatever feels good. It is okay to have a little you-time. Don’t feel guilty! It is better for everyone.
- Ask for help and accept any that is offered to you. Don’t feel bad about others doing your dishes, your laundry, feeding babies, changing diapers or bringing you a meal. People are happy to help and will make a huge difference in your sanity.
- Try to have a sense of humour and laugh every day. It is good for your body and your soul. Being a mom is the most important job in the world, but don’t take it all too seriously.
- Appreciate your husband and all of his hard work buy don’t feel guilty about him doing it. You’re working hard too. Remember to thank him and let him know what it means to you. Ask him what his transition to being a dad is like and figure out what he needs. Take time, even a few minutes each day, to be alone together. There is no other relationship that is more important in your life.
- Remember it’s okay to cry. You will have bad moments and days and it’s better to let those emotions out and talk it through with those who will listen and you trust. You don’t have to pretend you have it all together. Don’t forget that not every day will be like this, but it’s okay to feel sad, angry or frustrated sometimes. Get help if it doesn’t go away.
- Tell people what you need. If you can’t handle more visitors, shut the door and be honest. People will meet your babies eventually and they will understand.
- Take lots of pictures and write down little things you want to remember. These days will feel like a blur and you’ll be glad to have those things to look back on.
- Remember to thank God daily for the two beautiful gifts he’s given you. You didn’t have an easy road getting here and not everyone gets this far. Being a mom is a privilege, one that you get to experience. You were made to do this.
- This is an adventure. There will be highs and lows and lots of in-betweens. Have fun and enjoy the ride!!
You are probably exhausted and not sure what to think of this crazy new transition into motherhood. Here are a few things I want to remind you of...
- You are doing a great job. Remember you will make mistakes, forget things, wish you had done things differently, but don’t beat yourself up over it. Your babies are learning too and you’re not going to damage them. You are all learning together.
- This time will pass quickly. The feelings of helplessness, extreme exhaustion will not last forever. They will only be this tiny for a short time. Enjoy how cute and little they are... it will go by fast and you’ll wish for these days back. Try to stop and take in these moments. They will be gone before you know it.
- Sleep when you can. Don’t worry about having everything perfect around the house and organized. You don’t have to have it all together. Others are here to help you and a well rested momma is best for everyone.
- Make sure you are eating and drinking enough. Good nutrition will help give you the energy you need to get through the day. You can’t feed your babies if you have nothing to give them.
- Take time for yourself. Go for a short walk, sit outside, catch your breath, take a shower or bath. Dry your hair, put on a little make up, whatever feels good. It is okay to have a little you-time. Don’t feel guilty! It is better for everyone.
- Ask for help and accept any that is offered to you. Don’t feel bad about others doing your dishes, your laundry, feeding babies, changing diapers or bringing you a meal. People are happy to help and will make a huge difference in your sanity.
- Try to have a sense of humour and laugh every day. It is good for your body and your soul. Being a mom is the most important job in the world, but don’t take it all too seriously.
- Appreciate your husband and all of his hard work buy don’t feel guilty about him doing it. You’re working hard too. Remember to thank him and let him know what it means to you. Ask him what his transition to being a dad is like and figure out what he needs. Take time, even a few minutes each day, to be alone together. There is no other relationship that is more important in your life.
- Remember it’s okay to cry. You will have bad moments and days and it’s better to let those emotions out and talk it through with those who will listen and you trust. You don’t have to pretend you have it all together. Don’t forget that not every day will be like this, but it’s okay to feel sad, angry or frustrated sometimes. Get help if it doesn’t go away.
- Tell people what you need. If you can’t handle more visitors, shut the door and be honest. People will meet your babies eventually and they will understand.
- Take lots of pictures and write down little things you want to remember. These days will feel like a blur and you’ll be glad to have those things to look back on.
- Remember to thank God daily for the two beautiful gifts he’s given you. You didn’t have an easy road getting here and not everyone gets this far. Being a mom is a privilege, one that you get to experience. You were made to do this.
- This is an adventure. There will be highs and lows and lots of in-betweens. Have fun and enjoy the ride!!
Monday, June 7, 2010
Update on Siza
We asked our good friend Danisa in Zimbabwe (also the bishop of the BICC church there) to help us figure out how to help Siza. He contacted her with the phone number she gave in the letter and met with her today. He feels the best thing for her is to attend a boarding school to finish off high school as where she is living isn't the best environment. He is going to look into finding her a place and we're committed to helping make that happen. Educating girls is something I strongly believe in (see the video) and I hope she is able to return to school soon.
Thursday, June 3, 2010
Siza
This is Siza, a very special girl I met at an orphan camp we helped run in Zimbabwe in 2006. I visited her several times at her rural school and before we moved home I left her a few gifts and my address, never expecting to hear from her. Yesterday, I got a letter from her asking for help as she's had to drop out of school because she can't pay the fees. She wants to be a pilot or a doctor and said she wants to come live with me. My heart breaks for her and I'm doing what I can to figure out how to help. She has so much potential. A good reminder that there are so many people who have worries so much greater than mine. Probably just paying for postage on the letter was a very big deal for her. Puts things in perspective!
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