This is How I Feel

I've had some stress and challenges in my life lately. It's inevitable. Things don't always go the way you want, disappointments wiggle their way into our comfortable lives and sometimes it's just plain hard. After going through a significantly hard time a few years ago I came out of it with many lessons, but one of the biggest one being that it's okay to feel how you feel. If I'm sad about something it's okay to feel sad, have a good cry, vent to loved-ones about how much it sucks. I find the sooner I let myself feel my true emotions, the sooner I can pull myself out of the dark place and keep moving forward. And the best kind of friends are the ones whose main goal isn't to make you feel better, but who enter the pain with you, who tell you that yes, it does indeed suck. Not that they won't give you encouragement along the way but they aren't there to rush you into "everything will be okay." Sometimes it's not okay and it won't be and we have to learn to live with that.

I am learning to be thankful for hard times. It's said a lot but they really are the times that help you grow, build character, rely on your community and God. I am reminded again of my need for God. I don't believe everything happens for a reason or that he controls all things, but I do believe he can take the crap and use it to make me a better person, to help others and grow in him. If you read about my goals for the year, one of them was to become friends with God. That means talking to him like I do the other people who are close in my life. I believe he loves me and cares about what's going on in my life, even if I'm not feeling all that great about it. I'm also trying to be a better friend and not always try to fix things or make someone look at the bright side (how annoying is that, right?). And while I'm learning to embrace the messy parts of life and the feelings that come with it, I'm continuing to learn to be thankful in the midst of the pain. I don't always get there right away, but that's okay. I'm growing.