It's Hard

Sometimes I feel bad or guilty writing posts like my previous one. I don't like to sound like I'm complaining, and after all it's just naps right? My problems are nothing compared to the rest of the world.

But the truth is, parenting is hard and something as simple as naps has led me to tears more than once, as have many other issues. It is hard not knowing what to do, hard to feel like you've lost control and your two year-olds are have somehow become in charge, hard when you make mistakes and feel like you're not loving your children the best way you can, hard when you let your ugly sides come out and then wonder how that happened.

Then I read this excerpt from the book, Carry On Warrior. If you're a parent, or know someone who is, take a minute to read it.

What a refreshing read. I am well aware of how fast time is going. I no longer wish for weekends but they always seem to be here and my children are growing up right before my eyes. I still feel like I'm 18 but it won't be too long before I'm double that. Crazy. And I have had many people tell me recently to enjoy this wonderful stage. But the truth is, the last few months especially have been pretty challenging as a mom. My days have been exhausting physically and emotionally and my favourite time of the day is definitely bed time. It is no surprise considering the age of my boys, but it's still my reality. There area  lot of tough moments.

I am continuing to learn how to live a life of gratitude. To be intentional about taking time to thank God for the beauty around me, including in my children. To try to slow down time by being fully present in the moment. I have seen a lot of beautiful moments lately, some that might have otherwise passed me by.

But that doesn't mean that I can't admit it's hard. It doesn't mean that venting my frustrations means I'm being ungrateful (which I think I've subconsciously been believing). Parenting seems to be about moments. One moment they are singing a beautiful song and being kind to their brother, the next they are flopping on the floor because you gave them the wrong cracker. Some times the hard moments outweigh the good ones in a day, making it a tough one. That's okay. I need to give myself permission to feel like today was a bad day and that I'm just finding it all incredibly difficult sometimes. I don't always need solutions. Sometimes there aren't even any. Just someone to say, "I understand. It's hard. You're doing a good job even though you don't feel like it. Hang in there."